What I won on Survivorprov
(and what did I do with it all)

Introduction

First and foremost, Thank you to everybody in the cast and crew for the type of support that nobody could ever expect. It was only because of all of your talent and  commitment which allowed me to receive this honor. (pause for applause) That said. . .

Yes, I alone am best and I have the t-shirt to prove it. As many of you know I won both the Survivorprov web poll and Survivorprov itself. I attribute the winning of the poll to all of you that visited my site and linked to the poll and to my parents who had all their friends vote for me. As for Survivorprov, I have no idea. I kind of feel like Charlten Heston taking credit for freeing the Israelites. So I'll just quote Survivorprov creator and host Dodge Willibanger who said "You just slipped under the radar."

Survivorprov, what's that?

Survivorprov was an improv comedy adaptation, nay parody of the CBS hit "Everybody Loves the King of Becker." Something like that anyway, I only have basic cable. I was taken to the Gotham City Improv theater. where I was subjected to tests of improv prowess, quick wits and physical dexterity. Over the course of several weeks the cast was thinned as they were voted off by the remaining members of the cast all in the name of entertaining some paying customers. I'll elaborate later when I manage to restore my diaries.

Who else was on the ficticous island?

Performers included Dave E. Thunder and his hand puppet/sidekick "Mr. Skittles," Captain  Grobe who carried his mother's artificial arm as a good luck charm until she showed up one night, Swami Sam Turich who abandoned his faith in Buddha for the sake of Allah just to win the contest, Shallil Goldberg the Arabian Jew who secretly taught improv in the sewers of his homeland and is rumored to have converted Sam, Tiger LaPanda the maniacal Canadian who covered himself with baby oil before every show, the two sweethearts of Survivorprov Gemma and Jenn, some guy named Hank and me, The Reverend Jay Goldstein who threw candy and toys into the crowd and eventually won the whole shebang. Including the internet poll.

The Staff included Dodge Willibanger the trumpet blowing host who made us do what we did. Dodge's "pygmie" sidekicks Totem and Scrotem. Plus the hundreds of audience members who supplied the performers with suggestions, support and a surprising amount of love. Awwwww.

Inventory of Survivorprov booty

The Second City hard back book with 2 audio CDs
Bookcase, though often retrieved for usage.

Truth in Comedy by Del Close
I already had a copy so I gifted this one to Shallil Goldberg in hopes he can educate his followers in his hidden Middle East compound.

Cadbury Crème Egg
Given to hungry passerby.

One beautiful $6 Metro Card in a gift bag  Inscribed with "Survival in Manhattan, great idea!"
Stayed in top middle draw of my desk until the card was used in exchange for transit. I still have the bag.

Framed poster of Survivorprov cast
Hung on wall over desk so I can see all my buddies.

One White Survivorprov T-Shirt with the words “I alone am best!!!” on the back.
Put away for a formal occasion

Tropical Sunset clock in beige frame
Hung on wall in the area of my apartment which serves as a kitchen.

Red White and Blue pen on a rope. (Black Ink)
In top right draw of desk

Little pink shopping bag w/ maxi pad and a card attached to the handle saying “Fresh Spring Talent”
Thrown away with respect

Kathie Lee Gifford’s CD “Heart of a Woman.”
Top right desk draw to be given as gift later

2 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Pez Dispensers (One Red headband and one blue)
Top right desk draw

One Post-it Note pad. 2”x9” size
Top left desk draw

Spam
Donated to food drive

One pink plastic hair roller.
Recycled

Small plastic Yo yo.
Top right desk draw

Six 33 cent stamps
Top middle desk draw

One 20 fl oz bottle of Gilchrist & Soames Conditioning Shampoo w/ matching scented mini-soap.
Shampoo is in my medicine cabinet. The soap serves as guest soap.

Two wrapped Tampax tampons.
Thrown away in dismay

Blue pencil (black graphite) with a Koosh ball head and “Koosh” written in yellow all over it in a pattern.
Top middle desk draw

Loveable “Pacha” McDonalds’s toy from “The Emperor’s New Groove”
On a shelf in my bookcase spring-loaded and ready to go.

Three champagne bottle style party poppers.
Top right desk draw

Cassette “Survivor ‘Vital Signs’”
Thrown into my pile of ignored tapes.

One individually wrapped Kausagi Melon Gummy Super Juicy candy.
Eaten. Mmmmmmmm

Two Ball in plastic maze games.
Top right desk draw

Coleman Lantern Keying with working light.
Top right desk draw

Eberhard Faber green highlighter pen.
Top middle desk draw

Small pink plastic kazoo
Top right desk draw

Shambhala pocket edition of The Art of War by Sun Tzu.
Desktop where I refer to it whenever someone must be thwarted.

Small blue squirt gun.
Top right desk draw

Yellow “lemon” Pez
Top right desk draw then eaten.

Two Refrigerator magnets with “EscapeMaker.com” printed on it.
Mysteriously sticking to my refrigerator

Individually wrapped red hot “Atomic Fireball” candy.
Top right desk draw then recently eaten.

Individually wrapped Life Saver candy
Top right desk draw

Small plastic slide whistle.
Top right desk draw.

Lifestyles Ultra Sensitive Latex Condom
Thrown away just to be safe.

One spray bottle of “Sweet Breath”
Top middle desk draw

Money:
14 one dollar bills
2 Saccajewea Dollars
7 Quarters 1 Georgia 1 Maryland
10 dimes
5 nickels
9 pennies 

Used mini glow stick
Thrown away

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©2001 Rev Jay Goldstein